Messages
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: Rose and Donna find the Jack's phone and mistake it for the Doctor's, and they are very displeased with all the flirtatious messages they find. ONESHOT. (I own nothing.) Pure crack!


"All righty," Jack said, tapping on his computer. "That about does it. I better hurry off, I'm gonna miss the wedding." he smiled in Ianto's direction before dashing out of the room.

"Have you seen Jack?" the Doctor asked a few minutes later, popping his head into the room.

"He went ahead of you," Ianto said. "Oh, but he left his phone. Mind giving it to him?"

"Yeah," the Doctor said, grabbing Jack's phone. "Thanks!"

"Have you seen the Doctor?" Rose asked, running into the room a few moments later. Ianto frowned.

"He just left, he went to the wedding."

"Oh, okay," Rose said, running back outside. "Now where is he?"

"I'm gonna be late! That's the second bloody wedding!" Rose looked to the right to see Donna running and at the same time putting an earring in.

"Donna!" Rose exclaimed. "Have you seen the Doctor?"

"Yeah, I think he just popped off to the loo, why?" Donna asked.

"Oh, I was just bringing him his tie, he left it at our place," Rose said, holding up the black scrap.

"Hold on, is that his phone?" Donna wondered as she walked towards a white iPhone sitting on a mahogany table.

"Yeah, think so," Rose said. Donna wryly grinned.

"Wanna check his messages?"

"Why would I check his messages?" Rose wondered. "I mean, I'm the only one who texts him anyway."

"Oh, come on," Donna said, nudging Rose. "It'll be fun!"

"We're gonna be late to the wedding," Rose said. "Martha and Mickey will be mad."

"They're already both mad, the two of 'em, now come on!" Donna declared, unlocking the phone. "He hasn't even got a passcode!"

"Oh," Rose said. "Well... I guess no secrets, right?" she asked with a sly grin.

"HA!" Donna said, opening messages. "We're in!"

"What the hell?" Rose wondered, squinting. "Why's he texting Ianto?"

"Hold on, there's a lot more," Donna said. "Whoa! Is he flirting with your mum?"

"What the 'ell?" Rose gasped, grabbing the phone. "Why is he texting my mum?"

"Ohoho," Donna said. "Spaceman isn't so tidy after all!"

"But this doesn't sound like him at all," Rose said. "I mean, really."

"How many companions has he had again?" Donna asked, picking at her fingernail. "Oh, this is gold!"

"I don't believe this," Rose said with a groan.

"Shh! I hear someone coming!" Donna exclaimed, grabbing Rose and dragging her to a hiding place by the wall. The two watched as the Doctor picked up the phone, pocketed it, then walked off in another direction.

"Follow 'im!" Donna squealed once he was out of earshot, the two women trailing after the Doctor and into their seats.

"I don't believe this!" Rose fumed, sitting down next to the Doctor. "I don't believe you!"

"Rose!" the Doctor whispered. "What are you going on about? Why are you late?"

"Ohh, the man of a million questions!" Rose sneered. "I have a few questions of my own!"

"What?" the Doctor asked.

"Your phone!" Rose exclaimed. "You've been texting my mum!"

"Well, yeah, of course," the Doctor scoffed. "Was telling her I'd be able to make it over for Thanksgiving- OW!" he yelled as Rose smacked him against the face. "What was that for?"

"I don't believe you!" Rose thundered, standing up, the Doctor following suit. "You were texting Ianto! AND MARTHA!"

"He was flirting with Martha?!" Mickey asked, he was at the altar next to Martha and the two hadn't even noticed.

"Yeah, he was!" Rose thundered.

SMACK!

"Ow!" the Doctor said, rubbing his cheek from a second blow from Rose. "But I don't know what you're talking about-"

"You flirted with my wife?!" Mickey yelled.

SMACK!

"You flirted with me?!" Martha shouted.

SMACK!

"You upset my daughter?!" Jackie hollered.

SMACK!

"You've ruined the wedding!" the priest cried.

SMACK!

"You flirted with Ianto?!" Jack yelled.

SMACK!

"You upset everyone!" Donna yelled.

SMACK!

"You took my dressing gown?!" Howard shrieked.

SMACK!

"Do I even know you?" the Doctor asked, hand on a bright red cheek.

"Shoot! I forgot my phone!" Jack realized.

"H-here," the Doctor said, handing Jack the white iPhone. "Rose, what was all that about?"

Rose stared at Jack, the Doctor, Jack again, then the Doctor again. "That's Jack's phone?"

"Yeah," Jack said.

"And his messages?"

"Yeah," Jack said.

"Oh," Rose said.

"But what is it?" the Doctor asked.

"Nothing," Rose said cheerfully, taking a seat. Everyone else followed suit.

"My cheek hurts," the Doctor mumbled.

"You're a doctor, fix it yourself," Rose said slowly, still embarrassed.

"I STILL WANT MY APPLE BACK, MATE!" Howard yelled, shaking his fist.


End file.
